I really feel so annoyed when people say this. I've heard how my children would not scream if they were someone else's or how Ezra would have less explosive outbursts and more impulse control and how Phaedra would share and Sylvie would be docile. I always think, "That just goes to show what you know!"
But, here's the thing- I kind of think it's true. I think we only tackle what counts as biggies to us, and for survival's sake, we let some things slide that another parent would simply not tolerate.
For me, potty training early was an absolute. Honestly, it was so easy all three times that I mostly count it to luck. Whatever it was, in this house, you had to be potty trained when I was done dealing with diapers. Also, we don't have Barbie and the children DO wear hats just because I say so and everyone has ALWAYS laid back in the tub for hair washing and bedtime after about 2 years of age is a simple affair and we do eat a variety of foods and... You get the idea.
For me, some screaming isn't that important; I don't actually mind some "backtalk"; no one has to jump every time I say "jump!" Books can lay around on every horizontal surface for many hours of the day. I don't care if you close the bathroom door, and it looks like flushing the toilet must not bother me either, because I'm always flushing it for somebody. If one of my kids wishes I would die, I'm not upset. See what I mean?
I could complain about all those things, but I think I'll stop. It seems obvious to me that I change the things that really matter to me. Those other things irritate, but not enough for me to rise to action.