Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Phaedra does not willingly share.  It's always been true.  When she started wanting things around 8 or 9 months old, Ezra gave them to her.  He would look a bit befuddled and hand them over.  As Sylvie has gotten older, she has gone out of her way to give Phaedra whatever Phaedra asks for.  If I step in, Ezra and Sylvie get more upset than Phaedra when I insist she share.  Phaedra DOES get upset, but the wisdom of Solomon will not work; she would rather throw the doll in the fire than have to share or return it to the rightful owner.  So what am I to do?

On good days, I quietly acknowledge when there's a problem and leave it to them to work it out.  On bad days, I wade right in and make the situation much worse.  And I rarely miss an opportunity to try to show Phaedra how sharing helps all of us.

So, the other day, I had a new hat, and Sylvie asked to wear it.  I said sure, I would share.  Phaedra then asked, "Why doesn't anyone EVER share hats with me?"  After a few moments to reflect on the absurdity of this statement, I replied, "Phaedra, it's hard to share with you, because once someone agrees to share, you get to decide when and how the shared item will be used.  And, any time the other person wants to use the shared item, it's suddenly your turn."

She didn't like this.  She explained how I made her sad, and I of course said greediness makes everyone sad.  I felt like I had finally made some headway.

Then, many hours later, she came to me and said, "Mama, I know I don't share things, but I share what I do.  I always show people how to do things or help them."

So, her humbled mother offers these photos as proof that my 7-year-old is not greedy with her self, and that is perhaps the greatest thing she has to share.

No comments:

Post a Comment