In a Gear

I have felt a bit at sixes and sevens recently. Fortunately, the garden is in a good waiting phase, so I haven't let anything go by or get overrun with weeds while I've been spinning my wheels. The problem is that we have had swimming lessons every day for the last two weeks, and when I know I have to leave in a couple of hours, I have trouble starting a project. Then, the other day, I thought to make a little list for just the next two hours.

The good news is I have gotten a few things done. The strange thing is the way I feel about the whole thing.

Do you remember those doll houses that had little pressure things throughout? You could set the figures (maybe Weeble Wobbles?) on one of the spots, and it triggered a reaction. Like, I think it was supposed to be a haunted house, and eerie noises would emanate or pictures would change. Then, there are the model railways that "react" when the train passes over a particular portion of the track.

Well, I feel a little bit like I might not know what to do with myself until someone (hopefully me) sets me in front of a task. This morning, I went into the greenhouse, and then I was in "greenhouse mode". I worked steadily for two hours. Yesterday, I sat at my desk to do lesson planning, and I sat in the same place for two hours. If I place the figure of me in the garden, then BOOM! two hours gone in the garden.

It's not a nice sensation. It kind of makes me feel like Perseus in Clash of the Titans, just somebody's plaything to maneuver about. I would like to find the part of me that drives this organism and dope slap it into action. I prefer to feel I'm making choices, not just hammering away at something like a mechanical doll.