Time Alone

Jason left around 9:00 this morning with the children and they were not home until after 4:00. It was a delicious day.

Jason had deliberately left the other keys, so I could go somewhere, but I knew I would not need them. We had joked that I might spend the day in the hammock. I knew I was going to work and listen to inappropriate music and work and eat a half-ass lunch and work and not answer anyone all day long.

I have little fantasies about days like today. I dream that I start a project and finish it without one interruption. I dream that I am able to do tangential things without the main things getting messed up before I get back to it. I dream about working until I'm shaky, eating a little peanut butter, and going back to it without worrying about anyone else. I dream about being at home without being on duty. Today all these dreams came true.

And what did I do?

I put finish on the rest of the pine floors. I did NOT do dishes. I ate half a piece of bread with peanut butter and a cucumber. I worked in the barn for an hour, then another coat on the floor, another bit of bread, some more work in the barn, another coat, and back into the barn until everyone got home. It was heavenly.

I love taking care of my children; I love the various aspects of my job. Sometimes, though, I just want a break, and not from the physically exhausting tasks, but the emotionally draining ones. When Jason and the children are away together, I know everyone is well cared for, or at least as much so as when I'm alone with the children, and I can just let that part of concern slip for awhile.

Oh- and my music of choice today was Jane's Addiction, Pink Floyd's The Wall, Sublime, and Lyle Lovett.